I Can Only Blame Myself
by Vains
Summary: After a night together the Spaniard and the Italian realize their feelings for each other, but will that be enough to bring them together? Yaoi, minor swearing. (I'm sorry, I know this summary sucks) Please review (the story has been thoroughly checked and yeah I just decided to fix some parts and add some stuff to it but the feel is almost the same I just think I made it better)
1. Chapter 1

Well this is the same story as before I was just doing some re-checking and re-fixing to make things flow out better.

Still read the story 'cuz its gppd (in my own opinion) also this is the first one I had ever done and it just make me happy going back through memory lane. I want you guys to do the same :)

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of hetalia AT ALL!

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><p><em><strong>CHAPTER UNO<strong>_

"ROMANO WATCH OUT!" was all I heard come out his mouth when I walked into the middle of the street. Suddenly I found myself tumbling to the ground, while I heard loud screeches coming from behind me. Seconds later there was screaming all around.

I could only kneel there on the ground, looking at the concrete as I people yelled '_call the hospital!' _as if in a trance, staring only at the floor below me_. _Though, in this state, many others were asking to check if he was alright.

When I finally realized everything else that was happening, I saw a woman staring at me with a worried look on her face. "Are you alright? Can you stand up?" She asked, as I slowly looked up at her with a blank expression. I didn't answer her, not able to even if I wanted, as no sound would come out. I turned around to look back at what had happened shortly before and what I saw was disastrous.

Antonio laid there on the ground with a pool of blood surrounding him. There were bystanders watching as others tried to help us as much as they could. The man inside the vehicle from the incident got out and looked horrified, more for what would happen to him than any concern for the person he hit. He ran to other people as he tried to explain that it was an accident that he didn't mean to do it. I didn't really care for him, I just wanted to know if Antonio was alright; the body that nobody seemed to care about after the initial blow.

I got up and walked towards him while I heard the lady behind me calling. I ignored her, and slowly, I staggered closer, trying to rid the distance in between me and the Spaniard. As I slowly walked to him, my body shook fiercely and I fell to the ground, when I noticed my hands were in the pool of blood. I crawled even closer to the dying Spaniard and just sat there, staring at his limp body.

"A-Antonio?" I said, my voice shaking in fear. "C-can you h-hear me?" I sat in silence as I waited for a response, a movement, ANYTHING at all. I felt a warm liquid flowing down my face, as I waited for a signal that told me that he was still alive.

All the noise around me drifted to the back of my head, becoming inaudible, while my ears rang and my body shook. I don't know how much time had passed before the ambulance had finally gotten to the scene.

The streets began to fill with more people and more worried faces, the EMTs talked to each other while getting the stretcher out of the ambulance. One of the EMT came up to me and looked at me with empathy before extending out his hand to me.

I was mad at the fact that he seemed to act as if Antonio was already dead. I gave him a dirty look before slapping his hand away, getting up by myself. He looked at me with a puzzled expression as if trying to figure out why I denied his help.

'_As if it isn't obvious, you idiot.'_I thought, though to others it wasn't.

The EMT begun to put him on a stretcher and carried him into the ambulance as I slowly followed. I had no idea what to do, as the agitated peoples voices drifted away from my mind again, and I went off into my own thoughts.

"Sir, I need you to hold out your hand" one of the medics said while we were on our way to the hospital, taking me out of my thoughts. I looked around me to notice that there was more noise than I thought there was.

'_Why am I so calm?'_

_'Why aren't I agitated like the rest of them?'_

'_But what could I do at this point?'_ These questions ran through my mind, as I tried to hold back the tears that were determined to come out at any minute.

I slowly put out my hand so she could check my pressure, as I looked at Antonio on the stretcher. He laid there with many tubes attached to his skin, and that beeping IV, that after a while started pissing me off. As soon as we got to the hospital, they rushed Antonio to the ER, while I had to stay behind for them to check me. It was standard procedure, since I'd been so close to the accident, so they checked me for a concussion, and rechecked my blood pressure.

Though I knew it had to be done, it all pissed me off. I just wanted to be with Antonio, and make sure he was alright.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm so so so sorry for the late chapter v_v I really had things to do. Everything was really hectic since school started and. Teachers being tight asses giving so much work all the time. Gosh I hope you enjoy and please please review even if you don't like it.

(Yes I decided to leave all my dramatic talk about being late in the updating and such, to give it a more "walk in the past" feel to the reading)

Hope you enjoy reading ^_^

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><p><strong><em>CHAPTER DOS<em>**

I think an hour had passed by when they finished checking me. I only had scratches on my hands from when I fell down and that was it, nothing big, unlike _him _I was perfectly fine. I knew and I blamed myself for everything, it was my fault that he got hit. If I hadn't walked into the middle of the street, then he wouldn't be in a coma right now. If he hadn't pushed me out of the way he would be alright. I would have traded places with him in a heartbeat.

'_This entire thing is my fault, I can't believe this happened. I was so stupid; I wish I hadn't been fighting with him.' _I thought to myself as I cringed, remembering what had caused this whole incident.

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><p>I walked towards his house with a grin (odd I know). It always surprised me how big the residence was up close. The house was red, like the color of a tomato. The edges of the house were painted in a clean white that made the house seem almost new. In front there was a veranda made out of wood, with flower pots decorating it.<p>

'_I remember how we spent last summer re-painting and decorating his house. We even planted some new flowers on the front lawn_.' I scowled at the thought. I didn't want to help him but I was forced to despite all my struggling. But I guess it all paid off one way or another.

I had finally reached the red brick pavement that led to the steps of the house and as soon as I touched them, I felt a little twinge of excitement building in me.

I sighed and walked up the steps trying to hold in the urge of giggling like a high school girl on her first date. Mainly because I knew that it was weird, and I was _not_ a high school girl, _or_ excited to be here.

When I reached the floral white door and rang the small bell that seemed as if it were hiding next to it.

'_I can't believe it took me months to figure out where that thing was'._ I thought as I waited for an answer.

With bitterness, I looked at the bell again remembering how Antonio always mocked me for not knowing where it was. I shook my head trying to clear my mind of those thoughts so I wouldn't want to punch him when I saw his stupid smiling face.

_'Thinking about it,why hasn't he answered yet?'_ I looked at the bell once again put my finger on top of it, deciding whether or not it was okay to ring it again.

Moments passed and I sighed, I was about to ring again as the door unlocked and I heard a small creak as it slowly opened. I scowled and stared at the door, about to open my mouth to say something, but shut it again as I heard a woman answer. I opened my eyes wide in shock of seeing her, who was she?

She had short blonde hair and pale skin, her body was slim and very feminine. She looked at me and smiled, showing off her white teeth.

"Can I help you?" She asked, her eyes gleaming with joy. I could only stare at her, not because she was beautiful, though she was, but it was more because the whole time I was expecting _him_ to come out here and greet me with his stupid cheapish smile like he always did. But it was a different face and altogether a different person.

"Are you looking for someone?" she asked again snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Umm… I'm looking for Antonio, is he here?" I said composing myself so I didn't weird her out.

"Yeah, come inside, I'll go get him for you." She said grinning at me again and prancing off somewhere in the house. I shook my head and slowly walked in. I wasn't sure exactly what I was thinking, but something about all this bothered me.

'_Why does he have a woman at his house? Is she helping him with the cleaning or something?'_ But as I thought more about it I remembered that she was only wearing a shirt_. _

_'A shirt that __**I **__bought for Antonio. I don't actually remember the reason why I bought it for him, but that still doesn't take the fact that it was a gift from __**me **__to __**him**__. So why is she wearing it?'_ I thought this through as I slowly walked into the house, scowling like I always did. For some reason I felt more like an outsider than I ever had felt before.

Soon enough I heard loud steps coming from the hallway that led to his study room, the same hallway she disappeared into. There was some talking and then it sounded like they were arguing but it was so low I had to sneak closer toward the hallway, but I knew better than to listen in on someone else's conversation. I stood there right beside the couch in the living room, waiting for the Spanish man to come over. I shifted my weight awkwardly as I looked around the house to notice that the furniture had been changed a little from the last time I was here.

"Lovi~!" I heard a voice calling from behind me and soon enough he was already there, hugging me from behind. I blushed and grunted, feeling a little bothered at the fact that it felt nice to have him there.

"G-get off of me you bastard!" I wailed but it sounded more like a shriek than anything else. I squirmed around in his arms trying to shake him off but to no avail. He just chuckled and let go of me to stand a few steps away. I grimaced at his stupid smiling face and looked away, just to notice that the woman that had opened the door for me was now fully clothed in an evening dress.

_'I wonder why she's wearing something like that at this time of the day… unless she stayed over last night here.' _I cringed a little at the pain I felt coming from my chest as the man in front of me blabbered on about something. He turned around and looked over at her smiling, before walking towards her.

"I think the taxi is out there already, you should go." he said as he put one arm around her waist, walking towards the door and opening it for her. I felt more pain emerge from my chest but I didn't know why.

"I'll call you." she chimed awkwardly before walking towards him with her arms opened ready for a kiss. He looked away and shook his head. You could definitely see she was hurt by his reaction when you saw her look down in embarrassment. She seemed like she was about to cry when she began walking away from the door towards the car that was honking at her to hurry up. I felt a little happy that he rejected her, not knowing why I began walking away towards the kitchen at the end of the hall.

"Bye Bella, perdon" was what I think he said while I walked away slowly with a sense of relief and satisfaction.

The Spaniard called out my name while I entered the kitchen thinking about why I was feeling the way I was. "So, what brought you to mi casa?" He chimed while walking behind me.

Thinking about the fact that made me come was so dumb and I wasn't going to come but something told me that I should.

"Oh, well it's actually really stupid but that bastard made me" He looked at me questioningly and sat down on a chair, he motioned me to sit down too. I sighed and settled on a long chair that stood next to his kitchen bar table.

'_Now that I think about it his kitchen looks nicer than before. Did he redecorate it or something?'_I thought as I looked around the kitchen. The cabinets were painted in light beige; the cabinets and bar were all a dark wood brown. What I really liked about it was the glass sliding doors that led to his back yard, which there he had a garden with different plants that he took care of very well. I remember the tomatoes that he planted. When they grew they were so big and juicy; I really wanted to eat all of them.

Overall I really liked his house it was admirable.

'_Not that I didn't like my place, it's just that his gives off more of a homely feeling than mine… wait what? I feel more at home at his house than mine? That's just weird; I mean feeling more at place at someone else's house isn't something normal people (like me) would say to themselves. I mean I wish I could live here… but not with him. Yeah, I wouldn't want to live with him that's strange, I mean its not like I would mind' _I tried to hold back a blush as I mentally face palmed myself. _'But what the hell am I saying I don't even like him! He doesn't like men either; I mean he was with another woman for heaven sake!'_ I cringed at the stabbing pain in my chest when I thought of him and that woman again.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and I snapped out of my crazy thoughts. I looked up to see his confused expression and it reminded me that I was talking to him about something else. "He said that their coming tonight for drinks and not to worry they'll pay for all of it" I said while getting up to pour myself some warm coffee. At the same time I saw his face intently just to see his usual reaction towards them making plans without asking him first. He took a deep breath and sighed giving up.

"Alright then, I don't mind them coming over, I guess I should go buy some stuff then" The man slowly got up and searched for a cup in the cupboard to pour himself some coffee too.

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><p>I looked around the white corridors that led to different rooms of the hospital. It seemed like there was no end to them as far as my eyes could reach at least.<p>

There I sat waiting for our worried friends, which I called, to get to the hospital and be bombarded with ridiculous questions about what had happened.

Just then as I thought of them something hard slammed into me, knocking me to the other seat beside me.

"Oh, mon chéri are you alright?" Came an irritatingly high pitched voice with a heavy accent next to me. I pushed him away and sat down. Francis was with Gilbert, Mathew, Alfred, Arthur, and a few others that tagged along with them. They all stared at me with a worried look. I only readied myself for the other million questions as I nodded silently at Francis' dumbass question.

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><p>I'm sorry again for the late chapter and I'm sorry that it wasn't that long I wanted to write more but I couldn't wait to update any longer and if it doesn't make that much sense please tell me I will fix it...<p>

and again

Please review~~ ^_^

Thank you.


	3. Chapter 3

I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so and many more so's sorry I promised that i would update sooner and stuff but you know me and my excuses and O'm sure you don't want to hear any of it so onto the story! Enjoy =D

OH! wait!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Hetalia

Well now onto the story!... again

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><p><strong><em>CHAPTER TRES<em>**

They filed one by one to the background as they finished asking each of the unasked questions in their heads, with of course Francis harassing me most of the time.

As soon as they were done with me they all went about talking in between themselves as I sat there frustrated at the fact that the doctor hadn't come out of the ER.

I felt something grab my shoulder, I slowly looked up to see what or who it was; it comfort me to see Mathew's warm smile.

The Canadian sat down next to me and sighed. "I know how you must feel, we're all really worried about him but trust me, it's all going to be alright." With those words and a few simple nods from the people around us, listening, I felt a little calmer.

As soon as I felt more tranquil, from the corner of my eye I saw a woman in a white coat walking towards us I felt alarmed again. I was the first one to jump out of my seat and run towards her a few seconds later the rest of them followed.

We all spoke at once asking the same questions the doctor only looked at us baffled by all the people.

"Alright, alright, I can't understand you all at the same time. But to answer all of your questions I must say that the patient is in stable conditions, he had a severe concussion from the car clashing into him, but rest assured he will be fine." She smiled as everyone sighed in relief and relaxed a little. "Before you ask, the patient is asleep but you can go see him, ah! Only one or two people at a time and please try not to wake him up, please!" She smiled politely and walked off to some direction I didn't care of. Everyone began arguing about who got to see him first. I walked back to my seat and sat down lowering my head as I rested my elbows on my knees.

"Me and Mattie go first!" I heard Gilbert yell a few feet away from me.

"Why do you have to go first?" it was Arthur's voice I heard, it was a little lower than Gilbert's but loud enough so I could hear.

"Well, obviously it's because of my awesomeness that I go first" Everyone else sighed giving up the fight with Gilbert.

"Alright you guys go first, then we can go next, I have a few things I have to say to Antonio." It was Arthur talking again, he sounded a little irritated.

"But dude you heard the doc, we can't wake him up." Burger King said in his heroic voice.

"Tch, by the time Gilbert comes out of there he'll be as awake as the rest of us."

"Um… when do I get a turn to see Antonio?" It was the voice of a woman she seemed to be close to where Gilbert was.

_'Wait, I've heard that voice before' _I looked up to see a girl with short blonde hair. _'I think I remember now, wasn't she that woman that Francis was going out with?'_ I stared at her for a little while longer until I heard Mathew speaking.

"Bella, how are you? It's been so long since we've talked"

_'Wait, what did he called her? Did he just say Bella? I've heard that name somewhere'_ I closed my eyes thoughtfully and had a flashback.

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><p>"I'll call you." she chimed awkwardly before walking towards him with her arms opened ready for a kiss. He looked away and shook his head. You could definitely see she was hurt by his reaction when you saw her look down in embarrassment. She seemed like she was about to cry when she began walking away from the door towards the car that was honking at her to hurry up.<p>

I felt a little happy that he rejected her, not knowing why I began walking away towards the kitchen at the end of the hall.

"Bye Bella, perdon" was what I think he said while I walked away slowly with a sense of relief and satisfaction.

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><p>My eyes widened at the flashback I had just had.<p>

_'Of course she was the one that day! That damned day. She was the one that opened the door for me, the one wearing the shirt, the one that spent the night, the one who caused all this.'_ My fists tightened and my eyes narrowed remembering again about what happened.

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><p>Antonio sat down and looked outside, drinking some coffee at the same time.<p>

"So what are we celebrating?" My eyes twitched as I shot up my seat walking towards the first calendar I saw. I slammed it on the table in front of him and pointed to the date it was that day.

"What day does it say there?" I asked raising an eyebrow at the thoughtful expression he had.

"Umm… laundry day?"

"What? No! Look at the day today!" I said getting angry at his lack of intelligence. I gave him a minute to think getting more impatient as the seconds went by. "Ah fuck! Are you some kind of idiot? Who the hell forgets their own birthday, damn it!" I face palmed myself as I shook my head in disbelief.

"Oh, si es mi cumpleaños today, thanks for reminding me Lovi." My eye twitched as I suddenly had the urge to kick him in the face. I sighed irritated and sat back down.

"You really are an idiot, bastard."

"Lovi, don't be mean, It's just that I've been very busy lately and I haven't had time to think of anything else." Somehow what he just said had stung a little.

"But seriously, who doesn't remember their own birthday." He furrowed his eyes a little and stared at me.

"But Lovi, you forgot yours last year."

"No I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"I didn't forget it."

"You did I had to remind you the night before about it."

"I'm telling you I didn't forget, I clearly told everyone that my birthday was when I chose it to be and if I didn't want to turn a year older that day then I didn't have to." I looked away about to drink the, now cold, coffee but left it there instead.

Antonio chuckled and nodded. "Of course, I forgot about that, so you still haven't aged yet?"

I narrowed my eyes and gave him the death stare. "Shut up, bastard, I said I'd age whenever the fuck I wanted to." _'Damned idiot always making fun of me'_ I noticed him still smiling at me as he got up to toss the cold coffee in the sink.

"So how's tu hermano, Feliciano?" He asked with that stupid chime in his voice, excited about every little thing.

"He's fine I guess, he's living with Ludwig right now, you know how there together and all." My brother always had a thing for Ludwig even during high school (AN: yes, they all went to the same high school). I never understood my brother's taste especially for men, not that I judged or anything.

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><p>I snapped out of my flash back when I heard one of them calling my name, it was Gilbert.<p>

"-mano? Romano!" I lifted my head up to be able to see his face and show him my irritated face.

"What?" I said rudely.

"I asked if you had chosen when you were going to go in." He gave me weird look but I shook it off not caring what he thought.

"I'm not going." I said looking at my shoes intently, not wanting them to ask any questions, but of course Gilbert was too much of an idiot to get the message.

"Why not?" asked Mathew, which actually it really surprised me because I thought he would be the last person on Earth to not get the hint.

I had different options on how to answer the question, I could've said _'because I don't fucking want to' _or I could've just told them the truth _'I can't go because I'm scared of seeing him. I don't want him to hate me for what happened and I can't face him now after what happened'_ I felt sharp pain come from my chest and I tightened my grip on the seat.

"… Well, I don't feel like I should go anywhere." I lowered my head I said this and cursed at the fact that I was so weak.

"Oh, I see." Mathew hesitated in saying before going back to their argument after the awkward moment.

As soon as they let me go I drifted back into my own little sad flashbacks of the time leading up to this.

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><p>"Hmm… I see. Well that's good." He said walking out of the kitchen. I got up and tossed my coffee down the drain too following after him.<p>

"It's ten in the morning, what do I do on Saturday mornings at this time?" The man scratched the back of his head and looked around to see if anything needed cleaning in his already spotless house.

I rolled my eyes and walked towards the living room. "It's pointless for me to stay here while you wither away in boredom. Anyways I have to do some stuff so I can't stay here." I took my jacket off the couch and began slipping it on.

"Aww! But Lovi, what am I supposed to do for a whole day? I thought you came to spend some time with me. Can't you cancel on what you're doing and stay here instead?" I raised an eyebrow and shook my head.

"Whatever I need to do is more important than staying here and doing nothing, trust me." I heard him sigh in disappointment from behind me while I walked towards the door.

"Está bien, then you can go have fun; I'll just be lonely here until tonight. Bye Lovi" I heard him close the door slowly as I rolled my eyes again and left waving a little as I went down the steps.

...

I noticed that many hours had passed since I left Antonio's house when I received a call from Mathew asking me if I was still going to the gathering. I sighed as I answered his question with a yes then closed my phone leaving the store where I was at after buying some refreshments for the "party".

Soon enough I was already out of the store and on my way to his house I sighed heavily. For some reason my heart was beating faster with each step I took and I felt a little excited too.

_'Now that I come to think about it, why am I going anyway? I mean truthfully I think they're all annoying with the exception of Mathew of course.'_ I kept thinking about my day and how it started. Soon enough my thoughts were surrounded by the face of a certain tomato eating bastard.

My thoughts drifted away when I noticed that I was already standing in front of Antonio' house. When I was about to take a step up the stairs the doors opened, Arthur and Albert came out giggling like high school girls, you could obviously see those two were already drunk. _'Probably Francis' doing'_

"Shrup Romanro!" yelled Alfred like we were two hills apart. Arthur elbowed him in the gut and made drunken shushing noises while giggling. I only nodded as my eye twitched a little when I saw them already getting intimate with each other. I took that opportunity and hurried inside leaving them two to their business.

As soon as I got inside there was loud music and a lot of yelling. There was more people there than what I expected. As walked toward the kitchen I was greeted by most of them, some I didn't even know.

Soon enough in the kitchen I saw Antonio talking to some woman I didn't know. I set the bags that I had on my hands down on the counter. I looked down and noticed a pair of legs close to me. I looked up to see Francis leaning on the counter smiling while drinking wine.

"Salut mon chéri, I see you're in a festive mood tonight" I twitched as my body tensed up. It was automatic response whenever he talked to me. _'I fucking hate this asshole; he's such a fucking pervert'_

"What the hell do you want?" I scowled at seeing his perverted smile creeping up on his face. He crept closer to me more creepily than usual.

"It's Toni's birthday and we have to give him a good time. If you're not going to make any advances on him then I will." He smiled more showing off his teeth as he stepped away from me.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I said in an unusually angry tone.

"You know exactly what I mean, Mon ami." I felt like punching him in the face. I knew that he knew that I knew what he was talking about, but I didn't want to admit it.

"Fuck you, do whatever the hell you want." I said and walked away from him, not wanting to listen to him when he began with his perverted comments, like always.

From the corner of my eye I saw Antonio walking towards me with his stupid smile. I felt a blush creeping up on my face as I thought of Francis' conversation with me just now. I decided that the safe thing to do was keep walking and act like I didn't see him.

"Lovi~" He cooed as he walked towards me.

_'Damn'_ I said to myself scowling as I stopped and turned around towards the drunken Spaniard.

When he reached me, the man put his arm around my shoulders and smiled widely; showing off his teeth. I scowled at him when he put almost all his weight on me as while he blabbered about some unimportant thing.

Then I heard some of them talking about going out and walking to the clubs around town because the booze was almost gone. I heard many of them agreeing and when they looked at me and Antonio I shrugged him off me answering both their question and getting feeling back on my shoulders at the same time.

"Let's go out and play Lovi it'll be fun!" I scowled as everyone agreed and finished the rest of the booze.

They began walking out the door and chatting a little. I noticed that the two that were outside were already with the rest of them. I felt like I was the only one that was still sober.

"Lovi~" Antonio called out from behind me. "You haven't drunk anything yet, have you?" He said lifting up a beer can for me to take it. I sighed and shook my head.

"What do you mean no! Of course you're supposed to get drunk like the rest of us." It was Gilbert talking while he walked with Mathew next to him.

"I don't see the reason why." They all looked at me like I was saying something stupid, so I took the can and gulped down the liquid as fast as I could. The liquid burned my throat a little as I gulped it down, mostly I just didn't like the bitter taste.

Everyone else cheered and clapped as they saw me drink it; I wanted to punch them in the face.

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><p>"Well, that idiot seems to be just fine I don't see why we need to stay here any longer." Gilbert was grinning at Mathew as he said this. The Canadian just blushed and nodded trying to hide his smile.<p>

They said their goodbyes and left quickly, Mathew giving me a concerned yet sincere smile before they both walked out through the doors.

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><p>Thanks for reading and please comment, oh by the way to post a comment you don't have to sign up or anything just click that little button and you'll see (^.^)<p>

(of course you have to write down what you think first)


	4. Chapter 4

Okay so here it is the long awaited chapter four! WOOOOOH! and I posted it earlier than usual, yes I am working very hard for you guys, my readers, so you can enjoy yourselves to the fullest.

And well... this isn't a spoiler or anything but there is some strong language (at least for me) and since this is rated T I don't know if I should've beeped it out but you know they cursed in the movie 'puss in boots' and that's rated PG so yeah I don't know what's what anymore! Oh and one more thing, while your reading you are going to figure out that this chapter only has to do with the flash back of the past and stuff so there's no going back to present and stuff this isn't a spoiler either.

but anyways enough with me and stuff onto the story!

wait I dont remember the last time I did this but...

DISCLAIMER! I don't own any part of Hetalia so yeah

Have fun :)

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><p><strong><em>CHAPTER CUATRO<em>**

The warmth of the bright light shining on my face woke me up. I opened my eyes as the flash of the sun hit me in the eyes. I lifted my hand to cover the light from my face as I looked around to see where I was. Confused I sat down, the blankets on me slid down my chest as I realized the fact that I was topless. Looking around I saw my long sleeved black shirt and my dark blue jeans that I had been wearing the night before thrown on the ground.

_'Wait... If those are my clothes then what the hell am I wearing?'_

I quickly looked under the covers and saw that the other half of my body was bare. Even though I was naked I didn't feel strange, actually I felt kind of happy at whatever the reason was for me to be in this situation now.

_'Oh well.'_

I rested my head back down on the pillow and took the quiet of the room. The walls were a shiny red that went along with the brown carpeting and the leaf-green roof on top. The room was occupied by a dark brown sofa with a floor lamp in the corner of the room. Next to me was an white wood night stand that matched the rest of the furniture in the room. It all felt homely and comforting to me, even though there was a slight throbbing in the back of my head. I didn't think, I didn't want to think I just wanted to be there and take in all the comfort it offered me.

Minutes passed and I was still lying there with a smile on my face not even knowing the reason why I was so happy, but whatever it was I liked it. Being happy and smiling is most of the time out of character for me but there was something that made me pleasant maybe it was all the booze I had drank the night before that was still in my system.

I shot up as soon as I thought about the night before.

_'Where the hell did I end up?'_

I studied the room again this time with more panic as it was all hitting me at once. The fact that I couldn't remember what happened after that one drink and that I'm not a t**my** house, in **my** room, and I was naked in someone else's bed.

"Mmm." My head turned quickly at the sound that was made next to me under the covers. I saw moving and more noises came out of there as whoever it was woke up.

My head started spinning, I was so afraid of who was there and what had happened. What mistakes did I make to end up in such a situation? ]

I didn't know.

I couldn't think of anything. All I hoped was that whoever it was didn't get up and see me. I didn't want to know who it was either afraid of it being someone that I already knew.

The bed covers moved more and slowly a hand came out from under it.

Seconds passed and the hand remained unmoving. I breathed in deeply when I noticed I had stopped breathing the second that hand was out. I blinked at the sudden stillness of the room. Just when I was going to sigh at the thought of the person there still sleeping, the body sat up abruptly next to me. As the covers slid from his head, it revealed short dark brown hair, a tan muscular body, and very confused green eyes looking at me.

I gasped as I recognized who it was and only stared in shock of how it all ended up like this.

Those green eyes only stared right at mine with the same exact expression as me.

The seconds passed and the shock of the moment began passing, I took that chance to quickly take my leave.

No thoughts came to mind when I uncovered the rest of my body from the blankets and ran to get my clothes from the ground. I tried not looking at the figure in the bed still staring at me confused. I piled the clothes up in a ball before taking my shoes and running out the door. It closed loudly as I put my weight on it while I out my head against it to hear if any movement came out of the room. The seconds passed and I heard nothing. I began walking down the hall of the house to head for the exit as I tried managing to put my clothes on at the same time. I didn't look back at the room as I left. I tried not thinking of what was going on.

The house was messy; there were beer cans everywhere, food was on the ground and on the table, half drunken cups everywhere. I looked around at the house once again before walking out the door fully dressed; with shoes in hands.

As I headed for my house the heavy summer sun rays beat down on me. I looked at the time in my phone that I had found inside the back of my pants pocket. It read 12:34 pm. My head was throbbing even more loudly because of the sun and walking didn't make me feel any better.

I knew that I was avoiding it; I knew that I had to face it some time.

I was literally screwed and I not only in the literal way, but I meant I was seriously screwed. I didn't know if it was because of the alcohol still running through me or because my head hurt too much to think or maybe it was because there was no way to explain it.

But the fact that I had screwed Antonio that night was something I couldn't avoid. Yet I didn't feel bad about what happened. I felt a twinge of excitement build inside me. I knew that I loved him even though it was hard to admit. I had feelings for that tomato eating bastard and I didn't regret any of it.

'_I just hope he feels the same way'_

I was hopeful that he would be with me in the end since all that happened. I mean if he was willing to do it with me then that meant that he had to have some feelings, right?

Noticing that I was walking up the ramp that led to the door of the building I searched my pockets for my keys to my flat.

'_Fuck I can't believe I left my keys at his house'_

I looked once more through my pockets before sighing irritated. I sat down at a bench nearby the building as I held my phone in my hand deciding whether or not to call him. In the end I didn't have to. My phone vibrated loudly informing me that I had gotten a text message.

_**Hey you left your keys and wallet at my house; I'm sure your waiting for them so I'll come give them to you.**_

I lifted my knees up on the bench and stared at the text.

_Where was the damn nick name that he always calls me whenever he texts me?_

'_Where is the stupid heart that he puts at the end of every message?'_

'_Why is this text different from the rest? '_

'_It's probably nothing, that damn idiot just probably forgot to in a rush to send the message.'_

I wrapped my arms around my knees and lay my head on top of them, still holding onto my phone in between my hands. I let the minutes pass by as I waited for the Spaniard to arrive.

There was a tap on my shoulder; I jumped surprised at the sudden touch. I looked up nervously to see Antonio standing in front of me, worried.

There was only silence between us as we stared into each other eyes.

I think minutes had passed when he finally looked down scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

He cleared his throat before opening his mouth to speak.

"Umm… I brought your keys, Lovino." He said as he dangled the shiny metal keys in front of my face. I grabbed them and got up from the bench that I rested on. Quietly I walked next to him while walking towards the entrance.

I kept wondering when he was going to bring up the situation while I entered in the code to go inside.

The door beeped and opened. He held it open for me as I walked inside.

All the way up to my room on the eighth floor I glanced at him trying to figure out what exactly was going on in his head. As soon as we reached my apartment door I hesitantly put the key inside the knob and turned it.

When I had finally opened the door (which probably took like 3 minutes) I walked inside as Antonio walked behind letting the door close quietly.

I took my shoes off at the front and trudged slowly towards my couch, I sat down motioned him to sit down too. He hesitated for a second but he did so anyway.

I put my feet up on the couch and looked at him in the eyes ready for whatever he seemed to want to say.

Seconds passed and we still stared at each other.

Then the seconds turned into minutes; still nothing had been said. I sighed and stood up from the couch.

I looked at him and looked down as when I saw the sad expression on his face

"You want some coffee or something?" I asked still looking down at my feet.

"Si gracias." He said in a very gloomy voice. I speed walked out towards the kitchen trying to slow down my breathing and keep calm. Really the only reason I offered something in the first place was for an excuse to get out of the room. I couldn't stand being in there knowing that at any moment he would reject it all and tell me to forget about what happened.

I took two mugs out of the drawers and set them down on the table. I put some instant coffee in both cups before pouring some hot water that I had previously put to boil.

'_Damn instant coffee, why does it have to make so quickly?'_

I sighed and finished in the kitchen; trying to clean the tables ever so slowly.

I held the cups as I walked to the living room trying not to make of the liquid inside fall out as my hands shook violently from nervousness. I tried to hide it as much as I could as I handed him his cup and sat down holding my own. I sipped it slowly trying to avoid eye contact with him.

"Lovi, actually the keys and wallet aren't the only reasons why I'm here…" He set his cup down on the coffee table and sighed before looking up at me. "What I wanted to talk about was the um… 'incident' between us?" My chest felt heavy at hearing him describe it as '_incident'_. Even though I still blushed at the thought.

"I don't know what happened the night before but I'm sorry for what happened,"

_No_

"I didn't mean for things to come out like this,"

_Stop_

"It was a mistake,"

_Please_

"It shouldn't have happened"

_Don't say that_

"I'm sure you feel the same way"

"AND HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW WHAT I FEEL?" I shot up yelling before I could stop myself.

He stared at me with a dumbfounded expression, but I remained the way I was, I knew that there was no turning back now.

"Umm… what?" He said still looking as stupid as ever.

"You don't know how I feel, you can't just assume that I fucking feel the same way you fucking do, dick head!"

"So how exactly _do_ you feel?"

I blushed madly and looked away. "Th-that doesn't fucking matter, okay!"

"You say it doesn't matter but you're getting mad at me because I'm saying that it doesn't matter? How does that make any sense?"

"I can say if it matters or not, not you! You can't just assume something just because you fucking feel like it, you don't know my fucking feelings for yo-" I clasped both my hands abruptly on top of my mouth to stop me from saying anymore. He stared at me wide-eye knowing how I was going to end it. I swallowed up all my courage and spoke again. "Yeah bastard, now you know how I feel. I fucking said it. I'm tired of hiding it, so it is a fucking big deal that you screwed me and you don't feel anything for me." As soon as I said it I regretted it.

"I'm sorry Lovino," _Sting _"I didn't know you felt that way for me." Something was tugging at my heart knowing that there was no hope; no matter what I would do I wouldn't be able to change what we had said. Even though I knew that all this time it was unrequited love I didn't want to face it.

'_This is what I get'_

I sighed as I shook my head slowly while he was still blabbering about the fact that it was all mistake, that he didn't want to hurt me, and all that stupid shit. I spotted my house and car keys on the coffee table and grabbed them as I walked out the door leaving him inside to talk to himself.

As soon as the door shut behind me I broke into a run trying to get as much distance in between us as possible. I didn't know what I was going to do, my chest hurt so much.

'_I just got rejected after having sex'_

I felt really stupid at that point. I knew that he didn't feel the same, I always knew that. Even though, even though I still tried, I still hoped that he would return my feelings.

'_I was so stupid to think like that, God I'm such an idiot'_

Instead of taking the elevator I took the flight of stairs not having the patience to wait for one. I ran as fast as my legs could go (without trying to trip). When I reached the third floor I had to stop and take a breather from all the running. I began running again after seconds resting. I slammed myself against the exit door when I reached first floor and kept running, trying to get away from everything and leave it all behind. I didn't want to see his face again; I didn't want to have deal with such pain. I hated the fact that I was so stupid and thinking that just because we were together meant that we felt the same. Hell he probably was just in it because he drank too much alcohol and didn't know what the hell he was doing. I…I did it out of love; I probably willingly gave myself to him even though.

'_I can't but say that I'm the stupidest most ridiculous man on Earth. I hate myself for this'_

I panted and wheezed as I reached the parking lot spot for the apartment buildings. I took a three second breather (noticing that I needed to get back in shape) before I walked towards my red Ferrari 458 Spider (given as a birthday present from my gramps); it was in the corner of the third row of cars lined up. I hastily made my way to it as I took out the key for it beeping the car unlocked as I reached the driver's door (AU: I'm guessing that the new Ferraris still use keys and the beeping thinger that cars have). I slipped inside and after turning the key the car turned on with a soft _purr_.

I sighed, still breathing heavily while driving out of the parking lot. I didn't know where I was going to but I was leaving. I was going to run away, I was going to leave things the way they were and not fix them.

'_Pssh, at this point there's no fixing or any shit. I'm done, it's over. I'm sure he's definitely never going to want to talk to me. Ever. Not that I wanted to see his damned face again either.'_

I suddenly stopped at the stop sign thing before I ate it completely. My chest hurt so much even though I was telling myself these things.

'_So why is it that my heart won't stop hurting so much?'_

I felt like laughing out loud at all the cheesy shit that I was thinking, but the laughter never came out. Actually I felt the opposite of laughing, I felt like bursting into tears right about then. I wanted to let it all out.

The pain of being rejected, how much it hurt knowing that you were the only one that felt like there was a possibility. The fact that things would never go back to the way they were.

I accelerated the speed when I got to the highway knowing that wherever I was going it wouldn't have him in it.

* * *

><p>I had been driving at least twelve hours because when I got back to my flat it was already midnight. I had been driving to no avail, my pain wasn't gone and neither were my feelings. I still felt the same crappy way as before.<p>

I unlocked the door and walked inside shutting it silently behind me. The flat was dark and quiet, as expected, but deep inside me I wanted him to have stayed here waiting for me to come back.

'_Me and my stupid thoughts. I really need to cut the crap and go to bed.'_

I walked up the stairs towards my room and slowly opened the door, turning on the light in the process. The room revealed the coral colored walls, the maple wood furniture around the room, and what I want most of all, that beautiful bed with champagne colored sheets that looks so inviting that you just want to smother in them forever. And that's just what I wanted to do. I sighed in grief before going into the bathroom to take a hot shower.

As I took my clothes off I noticed the bruises on my body left by Antonio. I touched the bruises as I imagined his arms wrapped around the marks left by them. I blushed deeply and restrained my tears from spilling out.

'_I need to forget about him and about this whole thing'_

Erasing all thoughts from my mind I went inside the shower and turned the faucet on so the heating water could come out. As it began dripping on my skin I closed my eyes and felt as the warmth of the water made my muscles more relaxed as soon as it hit them.

I tried erasing from my mind everything that had to do with him and… well… us. I wanted to wash away the pain out of my system. I just wanted to forget even if it was only for a few seconds. At that point I just wished I had never met him in the first place, and then I could avoid all this freaking pain.

Time passed by and cold water began coming out. I decided to get out of the shower and go to bed seeing as I couldn't just stay in the shower for the rest of my life. I turned off the faucet and started drying myself out after getting a towel.

When I was all dressed and ready to sleep I looked at my bed tiresomely and dragged my legs towards it after turning off the light. I lay down and rested my head on the feathery pillows as I pulled the blankets over my shoulder. Closing my eyes my mind wondered over to him again asking itself the most stupidest questions like _"Has he gone to bed yet?"_ or "_Is he thinking about me?"_ better yet "_Will he be disgusted because he knows that I enjoyed having sex with him?"_

As I drifted more into unconsciousness hot tears streamed off my face and onto the pillows as I thought of him forever hating me.

* * *

><p>I know what you guys are thinking "what the *beep*?"<p>

I know I was the same really shocked me when they woke up together in the morning

Oh and I was thinking about doing something for that "wild night" of there's and you know all that smexy stuff

that went on with them but that's gona be in a separate thinger so you guys tell me if you want something

like that done 'cuz I'll be really into writing a smexy love scene L'onhonhon~

Oh and remember never forget...

REVIEW PLZ! I would feel special if you did and you know you want to that button is just so tempting so click it

give in to your desires wooooo~


	5. Chapter 5

Hi there :-)

Before you pummel my face in I want to let you guys know that this is the last chapter! Whoop! Who's happy I am! Well okay first things first, I need to apologize for those false promises I made. Yes, yes I know I was supposed to post this during winter break and yes also that extra chapter and stuff and yes. I know I didn't but I do have my good reasons for it so I appreciate it if you didn't try to violate me in any way. Again sorry for the late chapter m(v.v)m

(Hahaha yeah I fixed this last chapter and stuff, though I left the ending as it was, I added the stuff that were kind of iffy and stuff, well if you wana know what I mean... read it :D)

and...

Please do try to enjoy as much as you can ;)

Disclaimer: When's the last time I did this? (can't remember 'cuz its been so long)

* * *

><p><em><strong>Chapter Cinco<strong>_

It had been around half an hour later since everyone had come. Most of them were almost all gone. I didn't pay much attention to them as they said their goodbye's I was too busy thinking over the conversation that woman and I had after Gilbert and Mathew walked into Antonio's room.

* * *

><p>"Um, excuse me." I heard a quiet voice close to me. I looked up from my silent grieving to see that woman looking down at me with soft, sad eyes. I gritted my teeth, my displease evident on my face.<p>

"What?" I asked not having the patience to wait for her to have a moment.

"C-can I have a minute? I... well, I need to talk to you." She asked shyly, cringing a little if I were to yell. I knew fully well that she wasn't at fault she had nothing to do with the whole mess. Hell, I hadn't even thought of her once after the whole incident.

I just wanted to blame her because I thought that it would make me being rejected all the better... Ha! Obviously that's why I was rejected, apart from the other reasons, he was with her. I had completely forgotten about that.

I breathed in deeply, knowing the glances everyone else was giving us. I stood up and walked towards a different area where we could talk. She followed quietly behind me, her heels clicking quietly to the ground.

I turned around to face her, only to get annoyed when I looked the solemn expression on her face. All the sad and shy gone from her face.

I clenched and unclenched my teeth, waiting to see if she would speak.

"You wanted to talk to me?" I asked seeing as she wouldn't say anything first.

"Yes, well... this whole thing with Antonio... its your fault. That's what I wanted to say to you." I clenched my hands into tight balls and glared at her. I sighed and looked away, not having the energy to make myself come out with an angry retort.

"I know that much at least." I said simply.

"Well, its good that you know the gravity of situation and that you have to take responsibility for it." I furrowed my eyes and looked at her questionably.

The hell did she mean by "taking responsibility"? She smiled gently knowing exactly what my question was.

"Antonio... I've loved him for a long time. I always knew that he didn't feel the same way, even though I tried. Like when we first met at his house, I was fired fro my job and went to seek for comfort from him, thinking that maybe that could be the one thing that could go right in my life, but obviously I was totally rejected. He as a good person let me stay over the rest of the night." She chuckled to herself bitterly.

"Why are you telling me all this?" I asked a bit out of breath. I, somewhere in my mind I felt relieved and happy that he hadn't slept with her, that had rejected her more than once. Still, what did I have to do with any of it?

"Because I, he told me everything about you. He wanted to make things clear between us and ended up telling it all when he was drunk. Heh, I've decided to give up on him. This is the reason why I'm telling you this. I know he doesn't love me and I know I don't have a chance with him either. I want you to make him happy. I don't want you to hurt him again. I know I should be angry because you aren't even together and you've already hurt him, but I know that this isn't your fault. He probably put this on himself." She smiled by the end and grabbed my hand, holding it tightly with both of hers.

I was baffled, I didn't understand what she was talking about. give up on him? Make him happy? She must've not known that we were on the same boat.

_'And how the hell did she know how I felt for him anyway?... He told her everything, including my embarrassing conffesion/display of affection.'_ I almost gritted my teeth but smiled back at her understandingly.

If I were her in this situation, I would have gave up on him too. Though my situation is completely different, we both have been rejected by the same person and had our feelings crushed. I knew exactly how she must feel knowing that he doesn't care for me and that we could never go back to being the friends we were, though she managed to restore some of it. Though I don't that can happen to us since we did sleep together.

"I'm leaving now, I just came to tell you this. I just want to know that I made the right decision in giving up on him, you know? So please promise me that you'll make him happy and that you'll never hurt him, it'll set my heart at ease, even though I'm not dying." She looked straight into my eyes again seriously.

It took me a few seconds on deciding whether I should tell her the truth or just agree and let it go. I thought of the easiest thing to do and the more convenient one for me. I mean if she doesn't know that I got rejected and that we are on the same boat then that'll make her not want to go after him again. I know its horrible the thought of if I can't have him no one can, but... can you blame me?

I nodded, not being able to say anything, knowing that if I did some guilt might come out with my words making me sounds somewhat suspicious. She smiled again giving my hand another gentle squeeze before letting go.

"I'm glad, thank you. Bye Lovino." She said as she turned around and walked away. I tried my best to not go after her and confess my lies, tell her to keep fighting for him because truthfully I had lost my will a while ago.

After a few minutes of just standing like an idiot I decided to go back to my uncomfortable seat with the loud people to decide on whether I should go home or not.

* * *

><p>After getting back to my seat there was no one in the hall. Everyone seemed to have already left, only taking two or three minutes to see him and then leave. Finally it was down to me. I sighed in displeasure as I saw the door to his room open, the last couple walked out of the room giving me a warm smile. It was Feliciano and Ludwig ('<em>why he dated him I had no idea')<em> my full attention was on them as they headed toward me.

"Lovi~" I rolled my eyes while he smiled and waved at me like he hadn't seen me in a long time.

"Antonio looks really well, I'm sure you can't wait to see him!"

_'You don't know how wrong you are.'_

I sighed again looking towards the room that he was resting in. I slumped in my chair more and then looked at Feliciano.

"Um, yeah I guess." He nodded giving me an understanding look before grabbing onto Ludwig's (_which he was just standing there, with his expressionless look as always)_ arm. He whispered something into his ear and giggled before they both waved goodbye and walked out the hospital doors.

My eyes followed their backs as they left through the doors. As soon as the men were nowhere to be in sight, they flicked towards the doors again. I didn't know what to do at that point. Was I supposed to just walk in there and act like these past two months never happened? Was I supposed to ask him for forgiveness and act like it was my entire fault?

My thoughts went to Bella again, thinking about our conversation gave me twinge of guilt. I didn't know why but it just did. Maybe it was because she wanted so hard to blame for what happened but couldn't. Even though it was obvious that I had most of the blame. Giving him up to me despite the fact that she was mad at me, made everything all the more painful.

I didn't even know if I was making any sense at that point.

My hands grasped each other nervously as my thought went back to him and the thought of seeing him again. I wanted to get out, I wanted to run away again and never look back. I just didn't want to face him; I thought that he would really truly hate me.

'_Even though… Even though I still have to go see him.'_

I shook away all thoughts from my mind and tried to stop my hands from trembling more. I slowly sat up, keeping my eyes set on that door. I focused all of my strength on walking towards it and not running the opposite way.

I looked through the mirror of the oak wood door when I had reached it. I tried to see if he was sleeping. I gulped as my shaking hands reached the door knob. Slowly I turned it trying to make the littlest noise possible so I didn't have to wake him up. When the knob reached its limit, I pushed the door ever so slowly trying to not make it squeak. Even though I tried my best it was no use, with every squeak that the door made it was like a stab to the brain. I pushed the door a little harder to end the stupid squeaking. When I made a large enough crack I slipped in and closed it in the same manner.

I sighed without making any sounds and rested my back against the door. I stared at the body lying on the bed and felt a twinge on pain in my chest.

I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. Even though I spent all that time thinking, it was all for nothing.

I gulped and slowly walked to the bed, I saw all the tubes connected to his body. He looked so fragile and broken that for a moment I actually felt like crying. I walked away towards the window trying not to let the tears fall.

The moon shined in through the window and engulfed him in its bright light. I leaned against the wall and looked outside, not knowing what to do.

Minutes passed and I stood there sorting out my thoughts.

"Lovino?" My eyes widened as my head snapped towards the voice calling my name. His eyes narrowed trying to figure out if it was really me.

I got a lump in my throat as I stared right back at him. I couldn't say anything; no words would come out of my mouth. All I could do was stare right back at him and see if I could just disappear right that second so I didn't have to face him.

"Lovi, is that you?" At hearing him call me that, my chest swelled up and it made it unbearable to stand. My hand shot towards my heart, trying to stop the squeezing pain. Antonio uncovered his body from the blankets and hissed in pain as he tried to move. He lifted himself up in a sitting position all the while trying not to make any pained noises.

Realizing what he was trying to do I ran to his side and almost slammed him against the mattress.

"What are you doing? Are you an idiot or something? You can't get out of bed in your condition." Even though he still had a pained expression he managed to let out a stupid chuckle.

"Well, you weren't answering me so I thought something was wro-… Lovi! You're here!" He winced in pain when he tried sitting up again. My hands that were still on his shoulders pushed him down more gently on the bed. I rolled my eyes at his statement but smiled inwardly.

"Of course I'm here you idiot, didn't you notice?" I mentally sighed in relief because words were flowing out my mouth normally, even though I was freaking out on the inside.

"I wasn't really sure if you were going to come or not but I'm glad that you did." He sucked in strained breath through his teeth and I realized that I was putting pressure on his shoulders. I moved my hands off him quickly and moved a few steps back.

"Humph."

Slowly the chuckle went to a quiet stop and the room filled with awkward silence between us. The seconds passed by while I tried to figure out what to do next. I wanted to apologize for everything but I wasn't really sure how. I decided that it was now or never. I took a deep breath and let it out.

"I'm sorry!" We both said at the same time.

"Umm... You go first." He said with the same confused expression I had. At that point I wasn't really sure what to say anymore. How was I going to start apologizing knowing that he wanted to apologize too. I sighed inwardly and tried to figure out my thoughts before opening my mouth.

"Well..." I scowled and looked at the ground trying to figure out my thoughts exactly. I wanted to see if my apology really sounded as good as I did in my head. "I wanted to say that I was sorry for what happened and all, you wouldn't be here if to weren't for me." Actually saying out loud made it sound more truthfully annoying. "Also I wanted to say thank you for saving me and all... even though I didn't need you too." I said the last part lower so he wouldn't hear me. At that point I just wanted to leave. I didn't want to be here any longer. The only reason I was still here was to apologize and I did. Even though he had something to say I really didn't want to listen. I just wanted to go and disappear from his sight like before.

"Lovi," He said cringing a little from the pain. "None of this is your fault, and you know it isn't so you shouldn't blame yourself for this."

"But I jumped in front of a car and you pushed me out of the way! How is it not my fault?" I yelled as my hand balled up into tight fists.

"Because it isn't, I mean I know that if I wouldn't have been running after you in the first place none of this would've happened, it's just that I couldn't leave things how they were." Oh god here it comes. "But I tried calling you and I texted you constantly, I even went to your house several times but you never answered, not my calls or my messages, nothing. Then I saw you that one day and I really wanted to talk to you but you only ran away. I wanted to apologize for everything."

He cringed a in pain again and sucked in air through his teeth.

My fists loosened as I tried so hard to not let the tears fall.

"B-but I don't understand." I said quietly. He looked up at me asking me to repeat myself. "Why were you trying to apologize? You were the one who specifically said that it was a mistake and to forget about it, you even apologized." I looked down as my hands balled up into fists again. The situation was so irritating! Why would he go so far to try and say the same thing again? I found it really stupid how he was just trying to apologize for it again.

"That's what I wanted to apologize for, what I said."

"So why say it?"

"I don't know, its just that at the time I was just thinking that I had to do anything I could to make you not hate me. I thought that maybe if I said those things that maybe you wouldn't be disgusted by me and walk away. But then you told me how you felt and I wasn't ready for it. I didn't know how to respond to that. but even so in the end you left before I could say anything that actually made sense. I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to make things right again no matter what." He had his head down and his hands balled up into fists. All the anger I had was completely blown away by what he said. Even though I was still confused, I didn't know what he meant.

"But I still don't get it,"

"At first I said those things to hide the way I felt for you. I didn't want you to know because I thought you didn't feel the same way. But when you said that, I was confused, I had already prepared for the worst you see. Even though that night was an incident, I saw how scared you looked so I didn't have any other choice but to lie. Then I wanted to tell you the truth but I could never reach you." I didn't know what to say, my mind was just blank, I wasn't even sure what was going on anymore. All I know is that stopped listening when he said he felt the same way. I didn't even know what to do anymore.

"But then... Bella... what about her?" I know what she had said but I needed it confirmed from him. I needed to know that they weren't together.

He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. "Bella and I were never together. I always told her how i felt about you and that it wouldn't change. Believe me, I don't love her because I love you Lovi... and I've always have." At that moment I could die and still be the happiest person alive. I know its cheesy and overly dramatic but to go through all that and still end up with things going the way you want to go (somewhat) it takes miracles. I smiled mostly to myself than anything else, I wanted to cry, not because I was unhappy but the whole opposite. My happiness at the moment was beyond description.

I let the tears finally fall from my eyes not caring anymore. He gave me concerned look that made me smile at him.

I reached for him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I looked into his eyes briefly before closing them and closing the distance between us. I pressed my lips against his locking them together. He kissed back just as tenderly, as he wrapped his arms around me and pressed our bodies closer together. I never wanted to let go, I wanted this moment to last forever.

I pulled back and stared tenderly into his eyes "I love you tomato bastard." He smiled and pressed our bodies together again into a tight hug, ignoring the pain of his bruised body.

"I love you too, Lovi." He whispered into my ear. We smiled at each other before pressing our lips together again in a passionate kiss.

~After math~

A few months had passed since the incident happened. Antonio was already healed and was as cheerful and stupid looking as always.

"Lovi~ spend the night here." The Spaniard cooed in my ear, I narrowed my eyes and pushed him away from me. He pouted and tried to hug me but I got up from the sofa before he got to me.

We were at Antonio's house taking care of some tomatoes that he was growing.

I walked towards the kitchen and he was right behind me. I sighed heavily while I opened the fridge to get some water. Antonio came from behind me as I closed the fridge and wrapped his arms around my waist. Pressing his body against me he began kissing my neck and my jaw line. I sighed and unwrapped his arms from around me. I walked away and sat down on the kitchen chair. I felt him bore his depressed eyes into the back of my head as opened the bottle.

I felt sorry for him, I also felt sorry for the whole situation. For a while I had this feeling that was telling me that I shouldn't get close to him. I felt more distant then before and after a while I didn't want him to touch me. I knew that I didn't want to be with him any longer but I just didn't know how I was going to do it.

I didn't want to hurt him anymore and I had decided that I was going to tell him today. I didn't know where to begin, I've never done something like this before, it was nerve wrecking.

"Lovi, why are you acting like this?" He said softly as he walked towards me.

"What do you mean?"

"Your acting cold towards me lately, whenever I talk to you, you never seem interested anymore, or when I touch you, you always push me away. Is it something that I did? Am I doing something wrong?" He was kneeling in front of me now. Looking at me in the eyes and holding my hands tightly. He looked so broken and miserable. I didn't know how I was going to tell him, I almost didn't want to say anything.

I didn't say anything; I only looked away from his gaze as the tears filled in my eyes.

"Lovi please tell me, I want to know what's happening I want to make things better, please I want to know." He said quietly in a pleading voice.

I remained quiet, knowing that I couldn't say anything, not now at least.

He caressed my face as the tears trailed down my eyes, although I tried so hard to keep them from falling.

"I love you so much and I'm sorry if I'm hurting you, I'm sorry if I'm doing something wrong, I jus-"

"STOP! Just stop!" I yelled as I sprung up from my seat. "Please, I don't want to hear it anymore! Not the whole love thing, not the blaming yourself, nothing! It's just that I don't want to be with you anymore. I don't want us to be together any longer. I can't do this." The lasts words came out more exasperated, it felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. What gave me more of the feeling of being punched in the gut was the look on his face as my words sank in.

He looked confused at first then as the words sank in, he looked so hurt and miserable. I felt like I wanted to punch myself at that point.

"But… I don't get it… why?" He said. The words sounded like he was questioning himself more than me.

"I'm tired of this, I'm tired if you always clinging to me all the damn time. I just don't want to be with you, I've had enough of this. I'm sorry." He furrowed his eyes and I took that chance to walk away. I walked into the living room and got my things. Without looking back I opened the door and walked out.

That was it, my dreamed relationship with the man I once loved. I wanted to be with him just so I could hurt him in the end.

* * *

><p>Ummm... (^.^') *gets magical umbrella* okay you can start shooting things at me now.<p>

You guys don't try to seek me out and kill me 'cuz of this o.O ending

I know what your thinking "How can she do something like this, gosh if I find her I'll beat her with something!"

I would say the same thing too and I know, I know I read parts of it myself this ending to the story kind of really, really! sucks doesn't it?

But alas its finished, Even though its not that quite good. I promise I'll try my best next time... *random person threatens with shoe* AND TO GET THE CHAPTERS UP FASTER!

Thank you for reading I hoped you enjoyed

AND

Don't forget to review member or not

Remember I feed off reviews :-)

DON'T LET ME STARVE! ;_;

OH! And remember that the second part to this story is already posted... actually its been up for a while know,for those of you with a wondering soul and all that stuff... Yeah (-_-") Point is that if you guys are interested you should totally check i out and all. Just to see i they go back out or they end up forever without each other's embrace and well you never know there might be some smut in there somewhere (though I shouldn't advertise it since it sucks and all)


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